


The Onnagata, the Samurai, and the Daimyou

by kei_yairi



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Angst, Angst and Feels, Drama, Drama & Romance, Light Angst, M/M, OOC, One Shot, Romance, Short One Shot, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 11:49:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11356905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kei_yairi/pseuds/kei_yairi
Summary: I didn't get the permission to take off of my costume. There, Kouyou-dono never missed any of my appearances. But, this was not the kind of honor that I wished to get. I entered the sajiki and sat in front of him like a servant in front of his employer.I didn't open my eyes. Oh, the irony.





	The Onnagata, the Samurai, and the Daimyou

**Author's Note:**

> . It's written in Aoi's POV.  
> . Onnagata is a female-role in Kabuki.  
> . Daimyou is a landlord.  
> . The setting was about 400 years ago, when Iemitsu Tokugawa ruled (and Iemitsu really had a thing toward young actors in Kabuki back then)  
> . "-dono" = "-san" or "-sama" in Japan history.

Onnagata, Samurai & Daimyou

 

I didn't get the permission to take off of my costume. My face was still wearing that heavy white makeup, that stick to my face, to my upper chest, and to my back. Yes, I had to wear this kind of makeup for my every performance on stage. On my hair, there was still some big thing…some kind of ornaments… that made me hard to move fast. In my current condition, I had to walk there, to the sajiki – the wooden room with bamboo screen – where a daimyou was waiting for me.

 

He’s Kouyou-dono; the daimyou who always attended our performance every time I became the main character on stage. He never missed any of my appearance. I was honored actually. An important person like him had the will to see some dime story; we usually played those kinds of dime story, yet he always there, sitting on his expensive seat, and watch us play, watch me play. I was honored. I really do.

 

But… this was not the kind of honor that I wished to get.

 

I entered the sajiki and sat in front of him like a servant in front of his employer. I kept looking down just to prevent any impudent act in front of him. He didn’t say anything. He just stood up and walked closer to me. I just closed my eyes when I felt his hand touching my chin. He lifted my face and touched my lips with his.

 

I didn’t open my eyes. I’ve never want to see his face. In my mind, I made my own vision about the gallant samurai who was always waiting for me, there, in his mansion. Nevertheless, here were my ears to listen to every single word Kouyou-dono said to me.

 

Oh, the irony. What I was listening were the same words Suzuki-dono had said to me. That was when I pushed my mind to optimize my imaginations. I let my ears listened to Kouyou-dono’s voice; while my mind, and my heart, imagined that it was Suzuki-dono who uttered it all.

 

*

 

“Don’t you think that your face alone is a mistake?” he asked as he stroked my hair. “A male face shouldn’t be this beautiful. You are not lying to me, are you? Shiroyama?” Suzuki-dono smiled at me. “Your hip too. You danced perfectly well with that hip. Tell me you own a womb somewhere inside your beautiful being.”

 

“S… Suzuki-dono..!”

 

“Be mine, Shiroyama?” Suzuki-dono asked me, as he pulled my body firm to his strong one. “How many profits do your troupe got every time you made appearance onstage? How many times will you perform again after this? Until what age will you perform in your troupe?”

 

“B… but, Suzuki-dono..?”

 

“Tell me the amount. I shall pay it all. I shall give it all straight to your troupe’s leader, provided that they shall give you to me,” he said, and I gasped. “Leave your troupe, Shiroyama. Stop performing your beautiful self in front of so many; for you are mine, and mine alone.”

 

“Suzuki-dono…”

 

“Be all mine until the rest of your life let you,” said the gallant samurai as he embraced me. “With all of my strength I shall protect you from anything that could harm your happiness. If Iemitsu Tokugawa could chose his own onnagata for himself, then tell me why I couldn’t choose you for myself. Now.”

 

Who am I to push this man away? Who am I to refuse his warm body that holding tight my cold one? This was what I had always wanted to have since I remember, since the first time I saw him. It was my fourth performance in Kyoto when I notice Suzuki-dono. The first time I forgot to move was when I realized that he was looking at me. The first time our glances met was the first time I almost mistaken my own dialogue.

 

I’ve never made any mistake before. I could say it out loud with the biggest pride I had in me. I’ve never made ANY mistake onstage, not even a single word of the lyrics. I’ve never looked at one of the men among the audiences longer than two seconds. I’ve never felt the need to. I just need to give them a glance, and I could get their entire attention afterwards, for the entire performance, to me only, onstage. Not. More. Than. Two. Seconds. No, two seconds are way too long. You could articulate five words in two seconds.

 

But the way Suzuki-dono looked at me that time had stopped my entire movement that moment in an instant. I didn’t realize it at first. One of my comrades told me after my performance was over that evening.

 

Only Suzuki-dono could do it. Only to me.

 

*

 

Kouyou-dono?

 

No. I’ve never stated that he didn’t have the ability. I just… didn’t feel anything when the said daimyou looked at me. His stare didn’t lock my movements. Let alone made me forget what I should sing for my dialogues for the next twenty minutes.

 

And there was it.

 

Before I stepped up onto the stage, before we started our performance that day, I saw the closed screen upon me. It was Kouyou-dono who gave the vast screen for the troupe. When I was onstage, and I was moving, I was dancing, I was stepping on the new set, which had just newly built. Kouyou-dono was the one who supplied these strong yet beautiful woods under my footsteps.

 

What can I do now? When Kouyou-dono wanted me, it’s impossible for this troupe’s leader to decline him. We recognized respect. We also recognized where we stood, where our position in this very social life were. Turning down a daimyou’s request, moreover the one who disburse so many for us like this, were considered as the lowest disgrace.

 

But…

 

Couldn’t I play the main role in my own made story? Couldn’t I ask Suzuki-dono to stop obeying the Bakufu Government? Couldn’t I struggle for my own feelings? Didn’t they realize that I had my own wish as well?

 

Couldn’t I love MY OWN samurai? Couldn’t I lessen the access to my own self, for my only Suzuki-dono, for my own satisfaction? Couldn’t I lock Suzuki-dono inside my mind for my own imagination?

 

“Yes, Shiroyama, you could… you can…” Kouyou-dono’s voice pulled me out from my train of thoughts. “Of course you can. Of course you can have Suzuki Akira’s image for your own self, inside your own mind, for your own satisfaction. Of course you can…”

 

He knew…

 

“But in this very life, the REAL one, the truth is… I AM the one who is having you RIGHT NOW, for MY OWN self…”

 


End file.
